Depression

Before two years ago, when this illness began, I hardly ever cried. I always knew, even if things were bad that they would get better. They always had before. Nothing could possibly go wrong long enough to phase me. I thought I was invincible.
That illness has changed my life, in more ways than I thought possible. It was horribly depressing even thinking about not going to dances or hanging out with friends, because my body said no. I have always had the personality that tells me to just push on, my adrenaline will keep me going! But what happens when you have no adrenaline left? I kept thinking that my body hated me. But the worst change, was what it did to my brain. The depression I have felt was, and still is, crippling.
Going through two very full semesters of college feeling like I could barely get out of bed, was awful. I used to wait for my roomates to leave, or go to sleep, so that I could just cry without anyone knowing. I didn't want anyone to know what I was going through, because I didn't even understand what I was going through myself. I had no idea why I was suddenly feeling this way, and I had no idea how to make it stop. Without the help of my wonderful best friend throughout the second semester, I'm not sure whether I would have stayed at school.
I thought I was getting better for awhile, I thought I could get through this on my own. But I couldn't. I can't.
I'm going to go see a specialist who deals with POTs all the time. I figure that if I put in every effort I can, by making my life healthy and going to get medications that will help get rid of the symptoms, I can get through this. God will take care of whatever I can't.
As much as this illness has hurt me, the depression, the physical pain, the cramps, and the exhaustion, I know that what I've learned has helped me so much, and been worth all this. I have learned humility, patience, understanding, true love, compassion, and to trust others, and trust God. I know that everything I am learning are things that will help me so much throughout my whole life. I will be able to accomplish my goals, and help people. I cherish every single day that I am able to get out of bed and do anything. I hope I always feel that way, even when I am completely well again. I hope I never lose my newfound perspective, and my love of life.